Holiday Travel . . .

Did you have a good Christmas / Holiday season?! The question slowly fizzled out and we’re back to talking about the weather for small talk. Now that I’ve told this story a few times . . . I might as well get it down. It's an instant classic.

I had plans to fly to Denver to meet the whole family on the Thursday morning after Christmas. A nice long weekend planned. In true Brian form, I waited until the last minute to do several must-do items: I worked a full day at work, went on a first date (1 hour dinner rushed by the next task), drove to Dubuque to drop off Murph (yes I brought the dog on the date to save time), went back to work to finish up just a few things, and finally, ‘just a few things’ turned into an all-nighter at the office. I worked until 4:30 until I decided that I should get some rest prior to my flight that leaves at 6:40. The timing here is very important. After very strongly contemplating taking a nap at my desk – meaning I got so far as to put my head down to ‘rest my eyes’ – I headed home for a quick power nap. Neck problems on vacation would have really sucked.

‘I’ll go ahead and sleep in my clothes so I can just get up and leave.’ Jeans, polo, sweatshirt . . . everything but my shoes and stocking hat. Good move.

Have you ever been unconscious? I set 3 alarms, 2 on my alarm clock strategically 5 minutes apart, and one on my cell phone. All went off as planned -- 5:20, 5:25 and 5:26 -- but unfortunately I was unconscious. I must have turned them off without even cracking an eyelid. I woke up at 6:00. Panic.

I made it to the United ticket counter (bankrupt derks) at the Eastern Iowa Airport by 6:10. Seriously I was flyin’! 30 minutes early; just in time right? Unfortunately, the only U.A. employee left in the whole company, aside from the pilots, told me the flight was full. To me, this was just another way of saying either A) “I’m a lazy ass and don’t want the hassle of letting this guy rush to the plane” or B) “We’re a bunch of bankrupt derks (I know, 2nd time in one paragraph, funny word though) who over-sold the flight, so this worked out fine for us, just not for you.” Very strategically, they took the opportunity to blame me for the mishap . . . apparently I need to get to the Eastern Iowa Airport at least 90 minutes prior to the flight, even when not checking any luggage.

I ended up flying out of Des Moines the next afternoon and arriving in Denver about 36 hours after my scheduled time. We made the best of it, but in case I didn’t lay it on thick enough, here’s what I think of United:

The rules are meant for the mass of society. That sounds quite arrogant, I know, but if you pay attention to the rules and also have an understanding of the big picture, usually one can bend them slightly to your advantage. For instance, they say you should show up at the Eastern Iowa Airport at least 90 minutes ahead of your flight. Similarly, O’Hare Airport in Chicago also suggests arriving at least 90 minutes ahead of takeoff. O’Hare is one of the largest airports in the world in terms of annual passengers, second only to Hartsfield Jackson out of Atlanta. The Eastern Iowa Airport (formerly known as the Cedar Rapids Municipal airport) is somewhat smaller by comparison. There are roughly 66 million/year fewer passengers that fly through the Eastern Iowa Airport compared to O’Hare. 66 Million Passengers! There was one flight flying out of Cedar Rapids that morning and it was mine, with probably 100 people boarding. There is no reason that it would take the same amount of time to board a plan in Cedar Rapids than at O’Hare! 30 minutes with no bags to check . . . can I get a ruling?! I love Iowa for that type of thing . . . no traffic, no lines, no wait. Where am I?

When I inquired about the oversold flight, they said that they didn’t oversell the flight, but when I wasn’t there on-time, they filled the plane with passengers that were available. You can’t tell me that a person showed up for standby for this flight! 6:40 am at the Cedar Rapids Airport!!? Whatever United. I’ll get there 90 minutes ahead of time next-time. You win.